Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Struggling to hope

William Dyce, The Meeting of Jacob and Rachel
I’m not sure if it’s just because of the name connection, but I have always felt a kinship with Rachel from the Bible. I find that her story is one to which I can relate.  

I remember a time when I was having a particularly hard time at school and my home teachers shared a message, and in the message they quoted the first part of Gen 30:22 “And God remembered Rachel.” Those words hit me with greater force than anything else had up to that point. I needed that reminder that God knew me and knew my name.  I mean of all the verses in the scriptures about how the Lord knows his children, they used the one with my name. It was powerful. And I began to study the story of Rachel and have felt a deep connection with her.  While her story is brief in the scriptures, I could imagine the life that she led and almost feel what she must have felt.

At the time I was single and longed for being able to get married and have a family. Rachel waited SEVEN years for Jacob. To me, that showed great faith and patience.  It helped in the way that I approached life as a “young single adult” and later as a “mid –single adult.”  When she finally married Jacob, I imagine that her joy was just as great as mine the day I was married to Jared (Our husbands names are even kind of similar!)

Now, I find another connection. Something that I never wanted to feel. Something that breaks my heart just as surely as it broke hers. Rachel called this her “Reproach.” Mine has the name of PCOS.  I found out a few months ago that I have PCOS, and this makes it more difficult to get pregnant. We had been trying to get pregnant for about 7 months prior to this diagnosis. I have been taking meds and getting shots for the past couple months in hopes to have a child. So far the results have been negative.  Every time I get that negative, my heart breaks.  I am constantly surrounded by people who either have babies or are pregnant. Sometimes I feel like Rachel. “And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.” I know that sounds dramatic “or else I die.” That’s what I thought when I read that years ago. But honestly, that’s what it feels like…like a little piece of me has died. Or a big piece.

Rachel’s life does give me hope. I see how she dealt with her pain and hope that I can cope as she did. While I will NOT be giving Jared another wife, I will, like Rachel try to find joy in the children around me. I get to teach some awesome young kids in primary. And still have a fun interaction with some of the kids I used to watch in Nursery.  And I will try to find patience through this trial. I’ll probably fail from time to time. Or a lot. But I will continue to try. It doesn't say how many years Rachel waited to have Joseph, her oldest son. But with all the children born to Jacob, I can imagine it was several years.   I imagine she lost hope and patience from time to time. But in the end her patience and her faith was rewarded.
As I was dealing with yet another disappointing day today, I reread the scripture that hit me so hard all those years ago. But I read the whole verse and the next one as well: “And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb. And she conceived, and bare a son; and said, God hath taken away my reproach.”


As I try to navigate through this trial, I try to remember that God knows me by name. And hope to have the faith that at some point, in some way, God will “hearken” to my prayers.  Rachel’s story has always been an inspiration to me. And now, it’s what is giving me hope.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Jared: the courtship

I realize I haven't posted in about a year...but it's been a busy year for me. So the next couple of posts will be an update.

First off, I'd like to introduce Jared, my husband. He is pretty amazing. We met about a year and a half ago, doing one of my favorite things...volleyball.  We played together for a few months before I figured out his name. He has a ridiculous amount of nicknames. About a year ago, while playing volleyball, Jared was setting me. As I went to hit I felt something tear in my leg. Jared felt bad, though it really wasn't his fault. I told him that but said if he wanted to make up for it, ice cream was always welcome. He asked me what flavor, then that was the end of it...or so I thought. About a week later he a lot me ice cream for our first date. Well kind of first date. We just watched a movie at his place. It was a lot of fun and we laughed a lot. But we both agree that our date about a week later was a better first date...so that's what we go with. That date was when I could walk better. He took me to dinner, then we went down town to see the Christmas list and take a stroll down by the Missouri River. Very sweet and romantic. After that, I fell pretty fast for him. He was very sweet, kind  and funny. He had a way of be bringing a smile to my face. We had a lot in common...even though he is a pc while I am a Mac...and it was fun getting to know him. It only took a few weeks to know I was head over heals for him. I am so grateful he returned the feelings.

Friday, November 11, 2011

The Byers Grace

....or lack thereof.
Yesterday I fell victim to my family's curse. Again.
What's the curse you may ask? Well, Byers tend to be--clumsy. We trip over lines (that are obviously painted too thick). Because we often (though not all of us) enjoy sports we tend to end up with bad ankles, knees and whatever else might get hurt.  Case in point. When I was in high school, I played on the volleyball team. I was up to serve and when I came back on the court after my serve I tripped. Not a face-plant trip, but more of a stumbling trip. Very graceful. The best part? In a full gym I distinctly heard my dad laugh.

Well last night, I got reminded of the Byers curse. Playing volleyball, of course, I did something to my calf. Sad thing is a few years ago I did the same thing to the other calf. It sucked then and so I am not looking forward to the recovery of this one. Last time they said it was the soleus muscle. That pretty much means nothing to me, except that it HURTS like crazy. The worst part about it--I HEARD it tear, or strain or whatever it did as I feel to the ground. So not graceful, but not sure if I could have done anything to change it.

Monday, October 24, 2011

AUNT RACHEL

This morning (and i use that term loosely to describe the ridiculous hour of 4 am that I got up today) as I drove back to Omaha from Kansas City, I thought a lot about my last two weeks. And I came to one conclusion. The very best part of my life right now is that I get to be Aunt Rachel--the favorite aunt of 7 nieces and 7 nephews. (plus one more on the way). Yes I said favorite. No matter what anyone else thinks or says...I'm the favorite :). And it doesn't hurt that I have the cutest nieces and nephews. And over the past two weeks I have seen all but two of them (and those two boys I will see in a couple more weeks!)
But seriously. I LOVE being an aunt. Its the best role anyone could want. Who wouldn't love a three year old who looks up at you after you have helped her put together 4 puzzles--none of which had all the pieces--and went through an entire deck of flash cards and says "Rachel, I love you." Or a four year old who convinces you to get down the annoying toy that plays "We're the Monkeys" over and over,  but then sits and plays games with you on your phone during church (though I won't lie, being sneezed on twice wasn't my favorite). Or that same boy who keeps saying your name until he gets to show you his cool new toy. Or the middle school nephew who still gets excited to show you his incredible block building--I'm serious, I told him he should be an architect or something--it was that good. Or the 2 year old niece who still lets you hold her, or takes your hand and lets you push her around on the tricycle. Or the girls who are just excited to see you that they actually help you do some "work" because with Aunt Rachel, its not work, its fun!

So I am horrible with pictures. So the only ones I have is of them at my sisters wedding...and I am not in it--maybe thats why the boys are crying--they want their FAVORITE AUNT!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Friends.

Okay...I'm not going to lie. Sometimes being single sucks. In fact I have started several posts on how bad it sucks but then have decided I don't want to dwell on it or post too many negative things when I am trying to stay positive. So that being said I am SOOOO grateful for my single girl friends who just get it. If we talk about it--we don't have to explain WHY we feel that way, we just know. Don't get me wrong. I love my married friends too. You all give me hope! But my single friends help me not to focus so much on what I don't have and remember what I do have--because I have been quite blessed and have enjoyed many GREAT and AMAZING opportunities in my life thus far. So Thats it. I won't rant about being single. Just Thanks to those who help me remember the good things in life!

 A couple of those girls (this is an old picture--but I apparently don't take any pictures any more--and I don't have any with the girls I spent the evening with tonight that reminded me of this. I should work on that)

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

LET US REJOICE!

Its official. Summer is over. Now from most of you, that may bring a sigh of disappointment, and a dread of the winter season that will surely come. Not me. I am so happy summer is over. With work, summer tends to be ridiculously crazy. But now, my sales team has retired for the year--headed back to school and such--and my stress dropped from 600% to about a 60%. Nothing I can't handle. I did decide to take on a part time job after work. So I am now working 8-5 at the office, and will work a couple nights a week at Yonkers, a department store, in the shoes. I LOVE IT! 
Anyway, here is the announcement I promised from the last post. Aren't they such a cute couple?!




Friday, July 22, 2011

My new hobby.

Let me preface this post by warning you that I have never taken a graphic design class. Not one. However I have found it to be a kind of hobby. I may not be good. I may not know all the "rules." But I love coming up with an idea and seeing it take shape. So when Molly got married, I jumped at e chance to design her wedding announcement. She had a pretty good idea of what she wanted it to look like, so it wasn't hard to come up with some ideas. Here is what she ended up choosing. I thought it turned out not to bad for really my first announcement. I think Molly thought I was crazy, because with in two days i had about six different ideas for her to look like. She want simple, elegant and black and white. It was easy and fun. I thought it was just  a one time deal.

But...turns out I was wrong. A couple weeks ago some good friends from Kansas City asked me if I could help them out with their announcements. They were kind of on a time crunch as they are getting married in August. Not sure why they came to me...seeing how little experience I have and all, but I was excited to help. Tracy didn't know what she wanted just some thing "pretty" or "cool."  This proved to be more of a challenge, because I had to start from no ideas. Of course that was a challenge I was excited to take on and I started having ideas right away. Here are a few of the ideas I came up with. I won't post the one they decided on until after they the wedding and all. The picture also isn't the real one. Remember that these weren't chosen so they are pretty rough drafts. so they are far from perfect.

This was my favorite one of the ones that they didn't pic. (PS I didn't  include all the info on purpose) I loved the way the color looked here.







This is the front of the next one.
And the back.
Ok, this is the last one I will post tonight.
Front

and back. 
Well, there you go. My attempts at being creative. I hope you like!